Keep the fires lit (D10, LE, Chidoriyama inn)

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

Chihaya felt the touch, and shivered.

As he moved past, she took a slow breath, and then tucked her head down, resting her face in her hands.

The cold touch of her own skin helped cool her head, even though it didn't bring clarity to her thoughts.

After a long silence, she said, softly, "I think I might have lost some friends today. I would not lose your friendship as well."

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

The understanding that came with those words, coupled with the cool rain upon his skin, helped to settle some of the wilder thoughts rushing through his head. After some moments had passed, Degarashi brought the veil back to his face, slipping it back in place alongside his On.

"You were right before, in predicting further loss. But it seems that it isn't I who has suffered for the empire's needs this time."

He turned back to the Sparrow, watching her fold in on herself, and felt a twinge of shame for causing further confusion amidst her pain, failing to see it past his own desires.

Kneeling behind Chihaya, Degarashi openly and unashamedly embraced her, his touch transformed from one of lust to one of comfort, a reassuring presence which was merely there in a way quite often thought more shameful still. But there he stayed, unafraid in this capacity to break convention with his simple touch.

"We are shielded from the eyes of society against more than one judgment, here above the city streets. I will not look upon your pain if you wish me not to see it, but know you do not grieve alone."

Then he closed his eyes and rested his cheek against her back, between her shoulder blades, where he could hear her heart.

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

"I would not say I have suffered... not so much as others, but..."

She felt him press against her back, and contemplated a movement, and then gave up and just let things be for a moment.

It was easier to just... sit for a moment. Let the moment unfold as her memories chased one another about.

"The empire suffered a loss today. It lost heroes. I was standing by the gate to ensure they weren't breached when there was an opening in the enemy lines... four brave... foolish... but so brave... idiots... damn it..."

Marshalling her thoughts she added. "I saw them go out. You know, for all his fame, I don't think he ever really believed it, never really enjoyed it as much as he pretended to. I wonder if perhaps he even resented it... if he felt he had to go because of that fame... no matter what he wished..."

Pressing her palms against her eye sockets, she let the gentle pressure ease some of the ache she felt behind her eyes, and added, "And what is Kassenko compared to a mighty Naga? Surely no Matsu could hesitate before that... and Kayou-sensei... you'd go to protect your pupils anywhere, no matter how dangerous..."

A soft sigh. "Maybe I should have gone. Maybe I should have been lost on that battlefield too... instead of thinking I had to hold the gate, not trusting enough in my fellow defenders..."

Her thoughts chased each other, intermixed with memories, and that parting glance of three brave samurai, and one heroic nun, marching out into impossible odds.

She didn't know how to feel. How to honor them - not really...

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

Through his contact with her, Degarashi could hear the hurried, uneasy beats of Chihaya's heart, tamping out a rhythm of uncertainty and loss all too familiar. He didn't try to squeeze or further console the Sparrow, just remained still, listening to her words, to her breath. He didn't know the heroes who had fallen by anything other than their reputation, but he knew how hollow the praise and acclaim for their actions would be, knowing you would never see them again.

"I'm certain he knew. Yukinaga knew, before he left. Sent me a letter saying as much. He felt it was needed of him, that he had no choice but to act in the moment." Degarashi sat up, shifting his posture but not quite removing his arms from Chihaya's waist. "I didn't know Kashiwagi beyond his reputation, but I did see him in person. He was... distant. Even when I saw him speaking openly to those around him it felt as though there was a wall in place. A defense, maybe, to hold out others from becoming too close when his reputation inevitably brought him to ruin as it did today. The empire will extoll him as the hero all know him to be."

Now the Scorpion returned his hands to his lap, sitting in a perfect seiza in the rain while the Sparrow sat dry within the alcove. "You will not. My brother went to his death thinking I despised him but believing in parts of me I doubt even now. I will forever remember his honor. But I will also remember him chasing our mother around our home with a bug he'd caught and was proudly showing off to her. Mother was terribly superstitious and the bug evidently an ill omen. She ran for hours."

He chuckled at the memory. "Remember the faults in his armor, Chihaya-san. You probably knew more of the real Kashiwagi than most of the empire will ever learn. Cherish that he trusted you enough to see him as he was, not as he acted."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

She nodded, and then rested her head back against the wall.

Realizing he was in the rain, she frowned.

"Unless you need the cold water to cool off, you needn't place yourself outside the alcove... my sentiments do not require all the dry space for themselves."

With a sigh, she added, softly, "I will remember them, not as they will be memorialized, but as they were. In the end, even heroes are people - even the kami walked as mortals for a time."

A faint chuckle.

"Perhaps that is why humans agreed to serve them? Because they'd shared our troubles?"

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

"A fair possibility. Bowing to one who knows and cares not for your own trials is tantamount to allowing invasion."

Rising from his seated posture, Degarashi resumed his place beside Chihaya under the dry awning, only vaguely dripping water around himself. "The cold water did well to soften my disposition."

He eyed the Sparrow, expecting his comment to land some thirty feet above her skull.

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

It did, indeed, pass by without response. "Perhaps I could use some then... clear my head."

With a dry chuckle, she added, "Funny, isn't it? There are some people who would call me a hero... I wonder how they'd feel if they saw me with my guard down. Maybe that's part of my failing - I don't carry it as dutifully as they did."

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

Degarashi was starting to passively count up how many erotically shaped shuriken he'd tossed at Chihaya only to have them miss their mark by a wide margin. How the woman had children was starting to grow into quite the mystery.

"And the sun could as easily carry blame for the actions taken under the cover of night. Who could say where we'd be if you were there instead? What mild difference would your death create as opposed to theirs? I cannot say for sure."

He turned to look into her eye again, as he was growing fond of doing. "I can, however, name one great impact your loss would have created."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

That particular dart hit home, and she met his gaze for a lingering second, before dropping it to study her hands.

"You know this is... difficult, Degarashi-san. I know it is not discouraged among other clans but... I am... antique. I still think and feel like one living in the Suzume Valley."

A slow breath, and she met his gaze again. "I know there are those who would grieve my passing - few though they are. I do not wish for death - I simply wish I had the power to make things right. As, I'm sure, countless others wish each night."

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

"Antique?" Degarashi snorted. "You're more of a fine vintage, Chihaya-san. But I do understand and try to respect it." He held up a hand to forestall comment. "Note the word try. I want you in a most distracting way and it is hard to ignore entirely."

Deciding against caution, he poured another drink and began sipping at it, offering the bottle to Chihaya. "The right thing is never easy. One has to spend a lifetime deciding what it is, then spend the rest of that lifetime questioning the same."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

She laughed, weakly. "That is flattering, Degarashi-san... I pray I do not make things too uncomfortable for you." There was some degree of worry in her voice. "It is not my intent."

An interesting sentiment for a scorpion to voice, as well... "You must particularly wrestle with the question of what is the right thing - after all, it is the duty of your clan to walk a fine line, ne?"

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

"Oh no, I've flattered you, it begins again!" He enjoyed a mirthful laugh over that. "Ne, Chihaya-san, I cause my own discomfort and suffer it, and it is likely by my own hand that I should solve it. If it concerns you so, you could simply remove it directly."

His eyes sparkled with the flirtatious remarks, then darkened abruptly at the talk of his clan and duty. Degarashi quickly looked away.

"I was raised in very conflicting circumstances...I do not yet know where I belong between the shadows and the light..."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

His comments scored a glancing blow, with Chihaya rolling her eye, but then his suggestion that she remove it brought a moment of uncertainty.

Was he requesting she... well... probably not. No.

As the conversation turned slightly more serious, she listened, expression sobering again. "Hai, I suppose so. I have walked many paths and seen many endings - I can say that in the darkness, without honor, without duty at least, there are vicious roads. Selfish trails which end in bloodshed and ruin."

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

Further talk of duty and darkness caused Degarashi to curl up slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees as if he were trying to become smaller. And wherever his eyes traveled, they refused to turn back towards Chihaya.

"Indeed... selfish, emotionless, cruel... aimless... poisonous... embittering everything I touch wherever I go..." Degarashi started shivering in a way the cold air couldn't explain. "Find the antidote, find the antidote..."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

The sudden inward turn surprised her, and she reached out, tentatively, but did not touch him.

Would that only make it worse for him?

She didn't mean to hurt him.

"Degarashi-san... are you all right? I haven't harmed you, have I? What antidote do you need?" Her voice was uncertain, a soft alto, without the edge it often carried.

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

Degarashi's eyes whipped around to focus on Chihaya, and despite the occasional involuntary shiver a measure of peace seemed to return to them. It took several shuddering breaths before he could speak clearly again.

"G-gomen, Chihaya...san. 'S not your f-fault." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "M-mienai...Shos-suro M-mienai... my t-teacher. Taught me that em-motions are like p-poison. When th-they overwhelm the body... must find the antidote."

It was a grim sort of logic, and as the Scorpion eyed the Sparrow, it seemed as though the strange meditative mantra was returning some level of normalcy to him.

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

She frowned, faintly, expression hinting a mixture of concern and disapproval.

"It sounds as though the antidote were a poison itself."

A faint sigh. "Emotions are part of what make us human, Degarashi-san. We must manage them, but to suppress them only builds up the pressure... like water when you block off a stream, eventually it breaks free, and sometimes will cause a great deal of damage when it does."

She withdrew her hand, in her own seiza, head bowed, gazing at her clenched fists.

"I do not know which antidote your sensei recommended... but I would not see you harm yourself on my behalf."

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

He shook his head. "Each antidote is unique to each of us, according to her."

He pursed his lips, thinking. "There was one lesson in particular...if Chihaya-san cares to hear the story."

Suzume Chihaya · **Joined:** Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:29 pm **Posts:** 850

"If it pleases you."

She rested back on her heels, an attentive audience.

Bayushi Degarashi · **Joined:** Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:02 pm **Posts:** 1027

Degarashi took another breath to steady himself and nodded.

"During my training as a Butei, our city hosted a Crane ambassador on the way through Scorpion lands. They were held up by inclement weather, and Mienai-sensei saw an opportunity to test our acting skills. Each of her students was given an assignment to complete, using one of the Crane as a target. One of them got challenged to a duel over pretending to be the governor." He laughed, humorously. "First blood only, but Mienai-sensei always had lofty goals for her students."

Telling the story seemed to be settling Degarashi's nerves, and he sat more upright as he went.

"Among them was a Daidoji Iron Warrior. Fierce, beautiful, stark ivory hair that the Crane value so much. A vision of strength and grace bundled into a package about the size of a large lap dog. Almost broke a man's arm for looking at her the wrong way." Degarashi sighed, and there was a wistful tone to it. "I was told to make her fall in love with me. I'm sure you can imagine how many bruises I ended with from that assignment."

He paused in his tale to let Chihaya comment, if she chose.

Keep the fires lit (D10, LE, Chidoriyama inn)

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